The Imposters
by FromHellWithLove
Summary: Two girls are kidnapped and abandoned in Middle Earth by Gandalf, and that's just the beginning of their problems. Tension between the elven kingdoms are mounting, war is coming and Gandalf believes they can help, but maybe Gandalf got the wrong girls or maybe these two are just what Middle Earth needs. Rated for bad language, warped humour and tricky situations. crack fic
1. Chapter 1

**A/N this is an insert if you don't like don't read, to everyone else i hope you like it **

**Disclaimer I own non of Tolkien's works only My OCs. **

The Imposters 

Chapter 1 Mind Messages

_Mithrandir _

Gandalf raised his head as the Lady Galadriel entered his mind. _I am here my lady _

_I sense great evil threatening my family _she said her voice urgent, _evil will take them in an effort to break the peace in Rivendell._

Gandalf stood, striding toward his horse, _I shall head there now My Lady; they shall not harm your family. _Her next words made his blood run cold.

_It is to late Mithrandir, they have already gone. They have been ripped from this world using magic's unknown to me. _

Through the link Gandalf felt her pain, tightening his grip on his staff he bowed his head, _I shall search for them, My lady, I will find them. _

_No! Gandalf, _Galadriel calmed herself before continuing, _I have another task for you first. You need to find two willing people to take their forms, to keep the peace. My daughter's husband could not bear it if he knew his loved ones had been threatened in such a way. His heart still grieves for my daughter. The willing people must be found, and soon. Tasked to pretend to be my grandchildren for the sake of the ones I love. The peace of the Elven realms is fragile while the shadow grows, the disappearance of my Grandchildren must be kept secret from the time being. The powers which took them are not of this earth; the chosen two must also be of another world. A world very similar to ours, yet different in certain aspects all I can see are minor differences in magic and culture._

Gandalf frowned_ Another world My Lady? _

_Yes _she whispered, far off in Lorien Galadriel gazed into her mirror,_ this was not the only world created by Eru. Theirs is the closest to us and the easiest to access. You must bring them here._

_How will I know them My Lady? _Gandalf asked opening his mind to the images Galadriel saw, they where fuzzy to him, Galadriel's mind was clouded by worry. Gandalf became concerned, if Galadriel was not thinking clearly, his task would be difficult indeed.

_They are my children in that world, not my grandchildren; their faces are similar to my kin, with subtle differences you must alter for our plan to succeed, their hair is blonde and their eyes different from my grandchildren. _She continued unaware of Gandalf's thoughts, _yet they will know much of the magic used to take my grandchildren. I cannot inform any elves other than my husband of what has occurred; it would cause chaos. Please hurry Mithrandir I need you to lead the search for my kin. _

With that she was gone from his mind

Gandalf bowed his head in thought, after long moments he finally lifted his head and staff to the sky, chanting ancient and forbidden spells, the sky darkened lightening ripped bright patterns across the black cloud. As he chanted he felt his body split, half in his world halve in theirs. Sudden loud noises and bright lights made him falter. Shutting out the sound of crashing metal he continued, thunderbolts and lightening tore the sky, he felt something tugging at him, refusing to move he summoned a thunderbolt invisible to elven eyes, directing it to Rivendell.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Memories

A red car sped through the country roads, the engine complaining loudly. The driver swerved after taking a corner to fast, the passenger shouted grabbing the door handle. "Remind me again why I get into this death trap?" she complained as the car groaned loudly again, the driver just shrugged "slow down, pull up on the left" The passenger said. The car swung through a field gate and grinded to a halt, a chubby blonde fell out the passenger side, the driver climbed out and slammed the door, she was a short thickly built blonde, and looking at her friend she laughed.

"You know you have legs right Lofty"

Lofty, whose real name was Lady; stuck out her tongue, brushing off her dirt covered jeans she stood "you know you have breaks right Mel. You're just lucky I didn't break our rollies" Lady replied holding, waving their cigarettes in the air.

Based on looks alone, you would not want to meet these two in a dark alley. Lady was tall nearly 6ft tall, wearing ill fitting jeans and a gray hoodie; she was a lot stronger than she looked. Her height, size and dress sense made her look like a bully especially when she scowled. It didn't help she was quite, and had a habit of staring, she had once been told by her ex, he felt she was killing him in her mind, truthfully she was. Lady was a collage flunky and walked with a limp because of a minor Motorbike accident 3 days ago. Bike vs. van with no break lights.

Mel on the other hand was short, and thickly built. Like Lady she wore jeans and a hoodie, her short greasy hair was tied back; a fringe just brushing her eye brows. Mel was not one to be messed with when angry, she worked hard as a gardener meaning she was very strong, and throws a nasty punch. Lady had found this out when they stared wrestling one day, an ill timed move on Lady's part led to a nastily bruised shoulder. Lady was nearly a foot taller than Mel, but unlike Mel she couldn't throw a punch to save her life.

Both girls were great a loyal friends if you took the time to get to know them. They had met though Lady's older sister, who was best friend with Mel's girlfriend, once Lady started to go to college she would stop by Mel's for a cup of tea, especially in the winter when she would turn up shivering. Biker clothes maybe good but they never keep out all the cold.

Mel lit her cigarette before tossing the lighter to Lady, leaning against the death trap, the nick name Lady had given Mel's car, after Mel had listed the 17 things wrong with it. The girl sat in silence looking over the misty valley, puffing their rolled up cigarettes.

"You gonna go do it then?" Mel said

"I suppose" Lady replied pushing off the car, "coming with"

Mel looked around "Na, I'll stay with the car."

Lady shrugged trying not to look disappointed, nerves had settled in her stomach as she wondered down the path, stopping between hedges she looked out over the peaceful valley, so quiet and still. Taking several deep breaths, before she opened her mouth and screamed, the shrill high pitched sounded echoed though the valley disturbing the birds in the nearby trees. Taking another deep breath she screamed again and again, until her vocal cords hurt. Smiling she headed back to the car.

"Feel better?" Mel shouted laughing.

"Much" was the hoarse reply; Mel chuckled watching her friend return slowly. For a while they sat in silence watching the misty valley be engulfed by darkness.

"We should get back." Lady muttered heading over the passenger side "Lickers waiting"

"ap" Mel nodded her country accent coming through, she got in, starting the engine as it began to rain

"Where did this storm come from" Lady wondered aloud leaning forward to gaze through the windscreen

Mel nodded "me bloody windscreen wipers don't work so good" Mel reversed the car she sped up the road her wipers screaming as the scraped across the glass.

The rain got heavier very quickly making it very hard to see, "Good we ain't got far ta go" Mel muttered Lady nodded nervously playing with her sleeve. A flash of lightning made her jump; Lady felt her heart beat faster,

"Carefully Mel," she said "Watch for deer"

"Bloody deer" Mel muttered tossing tobacco over to Lady "roll us one love"

"Kay" Lady whispered; Mel's driving was always better with a fag.

Another bolt of lightning blinded them temporarily, Lady though she saw a man by the side of the road, looking back she only saw darkness. "Here" she said passing a lit fag to Mel.

"Thanks ma lover" Mel puffed merrily changing gear, the lever got stuck, "Oh dear," Mel muttered as the gears crunched, a strange smell wafted over "I think the clutch has died" Mel huffed ripping up the handbrake, Lady shifted nervously as Mel revved the engine until it screamed. Pushing the gear stick into first, the car bolted forward, swerving slightly. The back tyres squealed; the engine sounded like an animal was dyeing inside it. Picking up speed the windscreen wipers becoming useless as the rain pelted down,

"Lofty stick you 'ead out tha winda" Mel ordered "Can't see piss"

Lady nodded winding down the window, slipping off her hoodie she climbed out the window, sitting on the ledge she stared into the darkness. "Thank god you lights aint gone," She shouted,

Lady smiled as the rain pelted her soaking her to the bone, she loved the rain, it always made her feel alive. Leaning back down she shouted through the window, "Corner up ahead, my side"

"Groovy" Mel shouted back fag in mouth. Holding the car in gear.

Lady clung tight to the door, holding her in place as she was hit by foliage turning her face away from the leaves. She looked up to late

"Mel look out" she screamed, there was a man standing in the middle of the road, Mel swerved towards left dangerously, tyres skidding on the wet surface as Lady fell back into the car! She missed the man by inches, the car skidding 180 degrees before stalling!

The girls took deep breaths, Mel began to chuckle hiding her face, Lady looked like she would throw up. Lady whipped wet hair out of her face, looking down the road

"Mel! Mel, we're still moving" she panicked

Mel snapped into action, going for the handbrake she found it was still on; "Fuck!" she shouted slamming her foot on the break. The man was still standing in the middle of the road the car sliding towards him, Lady jumped out of the still moving car, running quickly down the hill

"Hay!" she shouted "Hay! Move!" the man didn't seem to hear her, Mel began to honk her horn as the car picked up speed. Lady reached the man, grabbing his arm she tried to move him, but his feet seemed to be glued in place! Lady glance towards the car, it was gaining momentum at a rapid pace. "Come on mister, there's a car!" still the man ignored her, Lady tried again to move him, this time wrapping her arms around his waist and pushing, her feet slipped and she fell to her knees.

In the car Mel was desperately trying to her the engine started, the steering had locked not letting her swerve away from the pair in front of her. "Come on baby" she encouraged "Work for me baby come on" the engine choked "I'll get you serviced an' everything! Just work" she smacked the steering wheel the horn blaring she pleaded "Work for me baby please!" but no dice, she couldn't even see the pair the rain was so heavy!

Lady stood fearfully tugging at the man's robes "Please move!" the car was almost upon them, the thunder drowning out Mel's desperate screams. Lady shut her eyes, placing the unmoving man between her and the moving car; it hit them the same moment a large bolt of lightning lit up the sky, blinding them once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N sorry for deleting this chapter just after updating, I remembered soon after i hadn't finished it, but its finished now. So enjoy**

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Chapter 3 Awakening

Mel woke with a start. Groaning at the light that was filtering softly into the room, she raked her hands through her hair. Like a zombie she swung her legs out of bed, doubled over, elbows resting on her knees, muttering "I shouldn't drink so much" she groaned "I'm getting old" rubbing her eyes she blindly searching for her glasses, knocking something off the table, it smashed on the floor. "Fuck" she hissed rubbing her eyes again, blinking quickly, she slowly registered the fact she could see. Pocking herself in the eye she realise her glasses weren't on her face, but she could see perfectly, if not better than she could with her glasses. Blinking again she scanned the room "Okay," she mumbled "This is weird." Her hand went to play with her fringe, only to find long sweeping tresses of black hair. "I'ma kip" she repeated over and over again to herself, rocking back and forth as an odd accent coming through. Turning she shrieked catching sight of a man sleeping sound on the other side of the bed. Her scream woke him; he rolled quickly tangling himself in the covers with a shout, and toppled off the bed with a base grunt.

"Ow," he groaned "My head, did I get drunk or did I get drunk." He raised a hand rubbing his for head looking sleepily around. Untangling himself from the blankets he stood, stretching. Mel grabbed the closest thing to her and lobed it at him, "Ow" he shouted clutching his side. Looking wildly around at his attacker still half asleep, Mel grabbed a vase throwing it, he dodged shouting

"Easy lady," Dodging again yelling, "What is your problem!"

"You!" She screeched "you man thing"

"Man thing" He frowned ducking again

"W'o tha fuck are ya?" brandishing yet another heavy object

The man raised his hands in surrender "Easy lady, I mean you no harm" he said slowly his eyes wide "stop throwing stuff at me."

"arr... No!" she lobbed another object at him, the man fled locking himself in the wardrobe the woman screaming "Come out ya bastard!"

Several minutes and thumps later the Mel calmed, walking over she slumped on the bed. Finally becoming aware of surroundings; the room was larger than what she was used to, clean white walls brightened the room, and large windows lead to a balcony, the view hidden by net curtains which were blowing gently in the breeze. All the furnisher was wooden intricately carved, beautiful patterns of flower, leaves, birds, and insects. Falling back onto the soft bed she stared at the ceiling, it too had been carved with tree branches, the whole room was open and who ever built it made it so the inside and outside became one. Mel let out a long sigh "I need a fag" she whined

"Is it safe to come out?" the man said in a small voice

"No!" she half shouted half snapped "Stay in there, unless you've got smokes"

"I don't even have pockets." He muttered

Mel spotted a note on the table, flipping it open she read the first few lines before bolting across the room, wrenching the wardrobe open, the man fell in a heap on the floor.

"Read this" she demanded thrusting the letter in his face

The man hesitated, looking up at her, taking the letter, he read allowed

"My Friends" he coughed rubbing his throat

"Please do not be alarmed by your surroundings, I have been assured they will be similar to your home. My name is Gandalf; I summoned you here for aid.

This world is different to yours in minor ways, of which I am unaware so I apologise for the disorientation. I need you to pose as Lord Elrond's children for the foreseeable. I am sorry I cannot be there to help you adjust but I must lead the search for the real Children of Elrond. I know you two are very well acquainted, the children of the Lady Galadriel, here you are her Grandchildren, born of her daughter Celebrian and her husband Lord Elrond" The pair glanced at each other unbelieving

"While you are here, you must not reveal the truth for the balance of the Elven kingdoms is fragile. Mirkwood is threatening war, and I feel a rebellion in Rivendell is imminent, the loss of Elrond's children could be seen as an act of war; each kingdom blaming another, elf blaming elf.

I understand this must be confusing but please bear with me, Lady Arwen acts as a calming voice in the chaos, and Lord Elladan acts as a warrior and kind heart for the people. Both have open ears and influence in across the kingdoms, an influence which must not be lost.

I shall return as soon as I may, please keep the peace

Your friend Gandalf the Gray"

The man finished reading and looked up "What. The. Fuck." He said as the woman in front of him began to cackle, manically. The man tipped his head back "okay" he sang "I'm stuck in Rivendell with a maniac"

"I aint that bad" she gasped

"Who are you?" the man asked as Mel finally calmed

"Me"

"Not helpful, what is your name?"

"Apparently lady whatsherface"

The man rolled his eyes, the beginnings of a headache settled at the base of his skull, _ok _he thought _who do I know that acts like that?_ In his mind he listed off all the people it could be finally raising an eyebrow he looked at the woman

"Midge?" he asked tensely

Mel's eyes widened "Lofty?" he nodded "Oh thank fuck" she sighed in relief, "what's goin on?"

"How should I know?" he said then coughed again "Does my voice sound weird to you? It sounds lower heavier," he frowned rubbing his eyes again "what did we drink last night?"

Mel started laughing manically again "you don't know do you?" she cackled "Your such a num nuts" she laughed harder at her joke, her eyes watering, soon tears where running down her face, the man just looked at her

"What" he whined getting impaction and slightly worried

"Dude," she cackled "You're a dude!"

The man paled, slowly slipping his hand down his flat chest, falling lower finally cupping his balls, "Bollacks" he whispered paling even more, he toppled over, fainting on the hard floor.

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**A/N Sorry for any spelling or grama mistakes that i have missed but we had a lot of fun writing this.**

**and a review would make our day :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Problems

Lady groaned something was poking her, eyes still shut she smacked it away, but it continued to poke her harder this time. "Stop it" she whined rolling over, the poking continued, after a particularly painful poke she groaned "alright, I'm up I'm up" groggily looking around resting her eyes on the dark hair beauty before her. Her eyes widened her hand sliding down between her legs once more. "Bugger" she hissed "It wasn't a dream" standing a bit to quickly she staggered into the bathroom, Mel lingered behind giggling and a loud scream came through the door, Lady appeared again

"I have a Dick!" she hissed wide eyed Mel fell into another batch of hysterics "IT'S NOT FUNNY MEL! I HAVE A PENIS," Mel began rolling about on the floor clutching her sides if Lady hadn't been in shock she would have been concerned about her friend's lack of air. "Seriously Mel this isn't funny" Lady was on the verge of tears, a wicked feeling sprang up inside her "My boobs, I've lost my boobs" Mel's borrowed hair was beginning to get soaked in her tears, "I have a ball sack! My clitoris hangs really, really low."

Mel gasped hard clutching her sides "Can't breathe, you fucker" she looked up seeing Lady looking down her top sorrowfully

"No boobs, but I have a six pack" Mel lost it, blacking out.

Lady huffed blowing hair out of her face, grabbing a pillow, she propped Mel up, confiscating the long iron poker lying beside her. Returning to the bathroom she dumped it in the bath, looking into the full length mirror she studied her reflection. If Gandalf was right, she had been altered to look like Elladan, rather drastically her once curvy finger and boobs had been replaced with a strong toned male form. Lifting her shirt she ran a hand over the muscles, huffing again "Why couldn't I have been Arwen" taking a few moments to work out the taps, she filled a glass with water and returned to the main room.

Studying her friend for a few moments, Mel had grown almost a foot going from 5'3'' to 5'11'' her once stocky stature had evened out to adapt to her height, now she spotted a flat stomach, slender arms and endless legs. Her hole form seamed fragile and delicate, sculpted from lime stone, soft but still able to make beautiful things. Her short off blond hair was now long and dark, reaching past her shoulders to nearly her waist. Lady was not much better in that department; her neck length strawberry blonde hair was now dark brown and reached to the middle of her back.

Shaking her head taking a safe position, she tipped the water over Mel's face. Mel spluttered, throwing blind punches, Lady leapt into the bed away from her crazy friend, she chuckled. Once Mel's punches where a force not to be reckoned with, now her dainty arms made them look adorable.

Mel wiped water from her eyes, glaring at Lady "What the fuck dude!"

Lady laughed "I could ask the same question." Gesturing to her elfhood. Frowning she/he asked "What's the last thing you remember?"

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**A/N slightly shorter next will be longer. **

**Love it, hate it let me know :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Rules, Dresses and Braids.

_Previously_

_Mel wiped water from her eyes, glaring at Lady "What the fuck dude!" _

_Lady laughed "I could ask the same question." Gesturing to her elfhood "what's the last thing you remember?" _

Mel stared at Lady, her face falling "Hitting you with my car"

Lady nodded "I was trying to move the man in the road"

"We aint dead are we?" Mel said looking around "this does look like a geek's heaven" frowning "But wait I aint no geek"

"We're not dead" Lady shook her head, "Well I know you're not dead."

" N' why's tha'"

"Because you were in the car, I was in the road" Lady slipped off the bed rubbing her arms nervously "Maybe I'm in a coma, and this is my dream"

"Na" Mel retorted "Would I really have poked you with a stick in you dream"

"Yes," she said bluntly, Mel looked guilty as Lady stared pacing "and maybe that's just the way I'm interpreting it, the poking could have been doctors sticking needles in me."

"Goodie" Mel muttered rolling her eyes "I'm a fricking dream, I musta run you down pretty good. Sucks for you though, havin' me in your noggin all the time"

"You could be my guide, the friendly influence to keep me grounded" Lady deduced

"Ya" Mel chuckled "I kept you grounded right underneath ma car"

Lady rolled her eyes and stopped pacing, looking down at Mel still on the floor "You're not helping" she started pacing again

"Crappy guide then aint I" Mel chuckled

"Great" Lady hissed to herself "I'm trapped in Middle Earth with a mentally challenged hippy"

"Oy I 'eard tha"

"Good" Lady rubbed her temples "I need some air," Lady strides to the balcony door, slipping out she shut her eyes breathing in the sweet air, taking a few moments to calm in the warm morning sun before opening her eyes. Gasping "sweet Yavanna" she whispered, the view was breath taking Peter Jackson interpretation of Rivendell by no means did it justice, the beauty of the city was indescribable in its perfection. "Mel" she called over her shoulder "Mel get out here."

"In a minute" Mel groaned

"No seriously Mel, I could not have made this up if I tried" Lady insisted

"Alrigh' alrigh' chilax man" Mel started chuckling again, Lady just rolled her eyes at the bad pun "Your eyes ull get tired if you keep rolling 'em Loft" Mel appeared beside her, but quickly became transfixed by the beautiful landscape "So if I'm in your mind, what part would this be?"

"I have no clue"

"It's your mind" Mel

"Doesn't mean I spent much time there" Lady hissed

"True" Mel agreed

"My imagination most likely, but I seriously doubt we're in my head."

"And the likely hood of us actually being in Middle Earth is higher" Mel slapped her arm "Loft this aint a Fan fiction."

"Mel calm down," Lady placed her large hands on her shoulders "You are starting to sound posh, that means you're stressed, and that means you're having a break down. And if we're in my mind that means I'm stressing! We need to calm down!"

"Get your man hands off me!" Mel pushed her away "There so hairy and man like"

Lady looked down at her hands they were hairier than her female ones where, shaking her head, long black hair blowing about in the breeze "Ok so this is what we know," she lent to the stone Balcony wall, neither heard the knock on the door.

"Nothfink"

"Coming from the girl who doesn't know who Frodo is"

"He's the furry on aint he" Mel waved her hands about "friends with Dildo Saggins"

"Bilbo Baggins, and he's his nephew" Lady rubbed her temples Mel was really getting on her nerves

"Same diff"

"Ok here's what we need to do; if where in middle earth we need to find out which Age" she held up a hand to keep Mel quiet "once we have found out that I can work out where we are in the story"

"Be useful if I knew the story." Mel sulked

"I know a lot of it, from the creation to the 4th Age" rubbing her neck she ignored Mel's horrified look

"Are lofty you're such a geek" Again Lady ignored her

"Ok rules, I'm Elladan, and I'm a man, no calling me Lady, Lofty or Dude,"

"Why not dude, that's a man name"

"Because here they speak properly and if we go by the letter we need to keep up appearances, just pretend you talking to someone on the phone"

"Crap."

"Rule two no swearing, you need to be Lady like, and Rule three you are Arwen, the princess of this house" Lady explained trying her hardest to keep her voice from shouting, Mel just pulled a face, muttering something about tobacco under her breath.

"My Lady," Both of them jumped as an Elleth appeared in the balcony door, her startling brown eyes noticed Lady, curtsying she said "Sorry My Lord I did not see you there" Lady slipped in to character slipping off the wall she bowed slightly,

"It's ok" she smiled making the Elleth blush

"Your father was wondering where you were," the elleth said politely Lady pinched Mel to keep her quiet "You are late for breakfast,"

"Thank you, we shall be their shortly,"

"Forgive me my Lord" she curtsied again, "I'm here to help Lady Arwen dress" Mel visibly paled

Thinking quickly "My sister did not sleep well last night," She said "She has requested I stay, I shall help her dress, if you could go to my rooms and collect me some clothing, I would be most grateful" Lady gave her what she hoped was a charming smile, it worked the elleth curtsied again and left swiftly.

Mel waited until they heard the door shut, before turning to Lady/Elladan "What, the, fuck" Lady groaned Mel continued "seriously dude" Lady glared at her "Ok sorry My Lord Ellawhatever"

Lady began to curse the fact she her mind chose Mel of all people "come on my Darling sister," she said sarcastically "we better get you dressed"

"I am dressed"

"Yes but in my mind or not, if you got out like that I will kill you in your sleep." Lady re entered the room, opening the wardrobe pulling out a few dresses "Ok, which dress?"

"I am not wearing a dress, no way."

"Mel I have a dick and I'm not making that bigger deal out of it,"

"Having a Dick pales to the horrors of wearing a dress"

"Only because I don't need the loo." Lady glared "You're in my mind you wearing a dress." She laid them out of the bed "This purple on is nice, not too long and not too heavy"

"It'd look nice in the wardrobe"

"Ok rules of this world, ladies wear dresses"

"Give us your dick then,"

"I would if I could but I can't so I shant,"

"It's your head,"

"Yes and while you're a guest in it you will behave" Mel flinched at her tone and heated glare, she was use to Lady towering over her but never had she seen her so strong and threatening before. Mel could feel the lack of strength in her arms and knew Lady could force her into the dress if she wanted.

Mel snatched the dress like a sulking child "I hate bloody dresses" slipping behind the screen Lady pointed to, she studied the dress "How do I get in this thing."

Lady swore under her breath coming behind the screen she snatched to dress, quickly undoing the fastening, "Arms up" she ordered, Mel complied and Lady slipped the dress over her head, turning Mel round forcefully, she fastening it. "There" she said

"I can't breathe in this fing"

Lady loosened the dress, and then dragged Mel in front of the mirror, grabbing a brush she began to run it through her hair, Mel hissed varying from 'ow' to 'bitch' to 'I hate you' with every stroke. A knock came at the door again

"Come in," Lady called the Elleth from before stepped in holding a bundle of clothes "Ar" Lady smiled "Thank you" taking the clothes "I'll leave the braiding to you," on the way to the bathroom she hissed to Mel "don't say anything" Mel nodded.

Lady shut the door, purposefully not looking in the mirror while she changed, the clothing was soft and light, in different greens and browns. She finger brushed her hair before leaving; the elleth had finished the braiding, Mel looking very uncomfortable

"Would you be so kind as to braid my hair?"

The Elleth smiled sweetly and gestured to the seat, making quick work of Elladans hair, with skilled and nimble fingers. Lady enjoyed the sensation of gentle tugging and stroking, several time he caught the eye of the Elleth in the mirror, she always looked away giggling or blushing. In the other corner of the mirror Mel was pretending to vomit. Lady shut her eyes dreading what promised to be an eventful Breakfast.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Long chap this time **** took us forever but we had fun writing it, ALL REVIEWS WELCOME.**

Mel and Lady were led down many twisting passages, before finally arriving at the feasting hall. Neither girl could contain their wonder at the beautifully carved room, the walls were carved like trees, the hall was a forest inside. Tables where doted around, fully laid up with plates, bowls and goblets

"Ooo shiny" Mel said spotting the goblets, Lady grabbed her hand before she touch it. Mel pouted Lady nodded towards the elf she nearly took the goblet from. "Oh" Mel said sheepishly, Lady mumbled an apology to the elf before dragging Mel away.

Lady looked around "do we just sit anywhere?"

Mel shrugged, "Dunno, but I think them elves are waving at us" Lady looked up, spotting her temporary twin, and two others, both had long silver blond hair, both where muscled but one was more intimidating than the other. They were smiling and waving them over. "That one looks like you."

"That's Elledans twin, Elrohir. So technically he's my temp twin." Lady said

"Ok" Mel said slowly "that's kinda confusing"

Lady grabbed her arm, heading over to the table "The other two I'm guessing are Legolas and Haldir." Suddenly she stopped, letting go of Mel "But Gandalf said Mirkwood was threatening war, so that can't be Legolas. They must both be from Lothlorien"

Mel looked confused, a vague look passed over her "Let's go say hi" Mel took a couple of steps on her own before tripping, Lady caught her pulling her back up

"4 steps a new record." Lady muttered.

"Not a very nice thing to say to your darling sister" Mel snickered

Lady rolled her eyes, putting on a fake smile she greeted the elves, "morning brother" she nodded to her duplicated taking the seat opposite him, next to her was the lean silver blond elf, who smiled at him/her brightly, something in his eyes made Lady feel uneasy. Quickly looking away Lady grabbed her goblet, filled with water.

"How are you this morning, my sister?" Elrohir asked

Mel paled looking sideways to Lady, her eyes pleading. "Mel-" Lady coughed hoping no one noticed her slip the elf next to her rubbed her back "Arwen has a sore throat," Lady said quickly, pushing the silver blonds hand away, "she awoke up with it last night."

Elrohir looked troubled "you should go see father after breakfast," he said

"I'll take her" Lady said.

"Always the kind heart" The elf next to her said with a smile Lady shivered under his gaze.

Food came and they ate in silence for a while, when conversation started it was about orcs and patrols, the girls in elven bodies, nodded along. Agreeing to most of what was said.

Mel looked oddly at her friend when she jumped her leg meeting the table, almost toppling her goblet over. Lady mumbled an apology, the silver blond elf next to her smirked. Mel cocked an eyebrow taking another bite of fruit. She could almost feel Lady's unease as she shifted closer to her.

The blonde elf leaned over and whispered in Lady's ear. Lady choked on her food, taking the goblet Mel pushed her way.

"Are you alright bother?" Elrohir asked brow furrowed,

Lady nodded getting up from the table "excuseme" she mumbled, bolting from the room. The lean elf looked hurt as Lady vanished out the door. The other two elves also looked worried, sharing glances. Looking around Mel seeing several elves staring after Lady.

"Please excuse me" Mel whispered getting up slowly, carefully following Lady. More aware of the eyes following her, 'don't trip don't trip don't trip,' Mel chanted in her head 'I like my face how it is….. Sort of' surprising herself with her grace she left the hall. Once outside she leant against the wall glad to be out of there. Looking round she cursed under her breath

"Shit, I'm so lost right now."

"Lady Arwen?" a voice asked behind her. She jumped slightly turning to see the lean silver blond elf.

"Yes" she replied cautiously

"Forgive me," he said bowing slightly "I did not mean to startle you" Mel smiled and nodded "It's just…." The elf trailed off "when I woke this morning, I was worried, my Elledan was not there. I mean I'm very glad he came to you but…" he trailed off again the tips of his ears going slightly pink. "I hope I was not too… hard on him last night." Mel swallowed a chuckle knowing where this was heading.

"Hard?" she asked innocently tilting her head, making the elf blush deeper

"We were rather…" the elf shut his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose "vigorous in our love making last night." The elf's deep breath hid Mels giggle. 'must. Keep. Face. Straight.' focusing hard she cleared her throat. The elf took that as his cue to look at her. "You must understand, I respect that you're celibate and innocent for the most part. Just…. Just let me know how he fairs. He wished to wait until after our bonding to consummate our relationship, but I couldn't." the elf suddenly looked horrified "I didn't force myself on him" he said quickly "we both agreed beforehand." Mel nodded resorting to holding her breath, keeping her laughter at the flustered elf at bay. "Your brother is experienced I know this, I could tell." The elf started to fidget uncomfortably, pacing across the hall way. "Last night was… special to me. I hope I haven't scared him away, I hoped last night would have brought us closer, as future lovers." He stopped pacing towering over Mel, his face still slightly pink, "Lady Arwen you have always been a great support for both of us, my marriage to your brother may have been arranged but I find myself falling for him, harder every day." Mel had to turn away from him coughing to hide her laugher, her control finally broken by the unintentional innuendo.

Still not looking at him Mel managed to say "Do not worry, mister man, err elf, I shall talk with me brother. And set things straight for ya," catching a glimpse of the elfs confusion Mel clarified "for give my voice, my throats giving me a bit of jip… trouble." Walking away from the elf "I must find my brother, where ever he maybe" she said the latter part under her breath. "Oh dear"

When Mel was certain she was alone, she picked up the bottom of her dress, kicking off her shoes, she moved more quickly through the halls. By some miracle she made it back to her room.

Inside it was quiet, but Mel knew exactly where Lady was, crossing the room she leant against the wardrobe crossing her arms, "we all know, why don't you come out the closet Lofty" Lady kicked the side making Mel jump away, the thump echoed through the room as Mel finally gave in to her laughter. "Just cuz you're sore from last night, don't mean you gotta be in a bad mood."

In the wardrobe Lady hugged the pillow she had taken from the bed, burying her face, trying to ignore her friends laughter, 'breath, i 5, ou 2'

Mel knocked on the door "dude at least you're getting some, I'm apparently innocent and celibate. Celibate, what a bitch" Mel noticed the mirror and began to check herself out "I mean she's got a body I'd screw" her hands caressing her butt, "masturbation here I come" Mel broke down into another fit of laughter,

"I think I'm gunna be sick" Lady groaned

Mel gasped in pretend offence "How dare you, my ass is sexy" she said posing in various positions in front of the mirror. "Oh god at the risk of quoting Scooby doo 'I can look at myself naked'" another bang from inside the wardrobe Mel wondered back over, sitting down she slumped against the wood. "Have you found Narnia yet?" Lady kicked the side again, this time Mel didn't flinch. "Why are you going to be sick anyhoo?"

"well in case you haven't noticed, I am in a sexual relationship with a man, that's scary enough, it wouldn't be so bad, if my gender hadn't done a U turn." Lady groaned "I have nothing against gay men, but I don't want be one"

"A gay man?"

"A man in general" Lady shouted sounded close to crying

"What he say to ya?"

"I'd rather not say."

"aww come on." Mel laughed "since you're in the closet anyway, I can't see you blush."

"No but you will laugh and take the piss"

"I'd never do that, No I'd never do that." Mel said containing her laughter "How dare you insinuate those terrible things about me, I'd never laugh at my friends suffering ars- I mean emotional pain."

"You do it all the time" Lady shouted, it was the reason they were good mates,

"The lies you tell" Mel insisted "That persons in the corner, I'll put some ear muffs on her"

Lady sighed wiping the tears out of her eyes, "he said he didn't know how he preferred it, me writhing beneath him, or me pounding him into oblivion"

Mel whined breathing deeply, trying hard to keep her laughter at bay "Oh my," she got out "On the Brightside, he's probably as sore as you." Mel broke cackling like a mad man. "I need some ear muffs too" Lady kicked the door open swinging her legs out, she looked at Mel clutching her side, "I hope you two used protection, we don't know elven biology yet" Mel chuckled "You might get Elvoirer or Elmidia,"

Lady finally broke into a smile at Mels bad puns, Mel was always the one to laugh and joke at pain and suffering, it was a trait in her family. Thinking back on her situation, it was rather funny. Mel always helped her see the brightside

Here she was, a 19 year old college drop out, in the body of a 2000 year old plus male elf, expected to stop a war. It was ridiculous. Especially since…. Her train of thought trailed off, ignoring her hyperventilating mate, she rubbed her calf. In her human form there was a large scar from her accident, her leg had been crushed between her bike and the car.

Frowning at her hysterical friend "How do you know your celibate?"

"Your loverboy told me"

Lady groaned hiding her face, "What else did he say, and more importantly" she glared at Mel "what did u say"

"Can't recall" Mel spat out though chuckled "But he sends his regards, you should send him a love note" there was a knock on the door, in a flash Lady was back in the closet, the click of lock could be heard.

"Have you just locked yourself in the closet" Mel asked trying the door "But I only just got you out" she whined

"Well miss live at the Apollo, why don't you try you humour on your visitor" Lady snapped, another knock

"Arwen?"

"Oh shit I forgot bout them" Mel tried the closet door again, "Let me in you fucker" she hissed still pulling the door as her bedroom door opened, Mel froze mid pull.

"Is the door stuck Arwen?" a male voice asked

" Umm…. No" she said sweetly "I was just closing it" she dropped her arms turning her back on the wardrobe, she turned to see a tall dark haired elf, he looked older than the one she met earlier, he held himself high, authority echoed in his voice, his whole form was regal, his eyes held infident wisdom and age, Mel was reminded of a line in Doctor Who Lady had forced her to watch, 'he's ancient and forever'

"I brought you tea for your throat," he said setting the tray in his hand down on the table. "I was hoping to find Elledan with you, your bother said he left breakfast in distress."

"HA" lady shouted, the man raised an eyebrow as Mel coughed to cover the noise.

Mel tried to think of an excuse but her mind was blank, "I believed he will be by in a little while," she said as lightly as she could "he is just getting some air." She slowly walked over taking the cup and sniffing the strange concoction, she recognised ginger and honey, taking a dubious sip she decided it wasn't poisoned and took another before setting the cup gently back down, the man's eyes never left her. She felt like a small child, exposed and alone under his penetration gaze.

"Thank you"

"You are welcome my child, now your brother also told me of Elladans and orophins activities last night." Elrond said "Orophin is quite upset about Elladans behaviour at breakfast."

"you must forgive Elladan father," Mel said playing her role "he is quite tired. After he was with Orophin til early morning, he was with me. I felt unwell and was unable to sleep" she brushed some hair out of her face "he has had a lot to deal with recently, I fear it may have overwhelmed him"

"That is understandable," Elrond said "I found Erestor this morning sleeping in the library, apparently the… noise coming from their room was… distracting" Elrond said gently smiling at the girl posing as his daughter, "once he come to you, tell him I wish to see him"

"I shall father" Mel said adding as an afterthought "where shall he find you?"

"In my office" he smiled stepping forward he kissed her brow "I am so proud of you my child, and your mother would be to" Mel just nodded, Elrond left pausing at the door he said "Remind him he shall be leaving for Mirkwood before the week is over" the door closed behind him, Mel released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Why do I feel I'm going to be very very bored"

Lady laughed "Never knew you could speak so propa"

"Phone voice" Mel said resuming her old position, sitting next to the wardrobe. "You coming out or what?"

"I'm staying here until Gandalf comes back, so I can kick his ass"

"I'm very much in the kick Gandalfs ass club" Mel agrees "But err….. I fink you have to go to Milkwood or someut. I dunno. And you have to go see daddy dearest, probably say sorry to Estor, and make nice with your lover boy."

"We're in over out head here Midge"

The situation finally hitting Mel she sighed "Yep" leaning forward he rested her chin on her knees "I really want a fag," she whined "Do people smoke in this fancy world?"

Lady didn't answer, the girls continued to sit in silence as the sun rose high in the sky.


	7. Chapter 7

"Bored now!" Mel whined "Would you come out already, I wanna play fumbwars"

"Fun wars?" Lady asked confused,

"Fumb, fumb, fumbwars" Mel insisted

"Oh thumb Wars"

"Aye that's the one"

Mel leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling. Her head was pounding she groaned rubbing her temples. "Maybe this is the result of a very bad hangover?" Mel suggested "Me 'ead is killing, don't make sense though, last thing I remember I was driving not drinking." Mel knocked hard on the wardrobe, "If ya lost lofty, look for the lamp post."

"I don't feel well" Lady moaned "My heads spinning"

"Ditto to that," Mel muttered then sang "I'm so dizzy my head is spinning, like a whorl pool tha' never ends" Mel chuckled and moaned, covering her eyes until Lady pulled her into the wardrobe, "how big is this wardrobe" Mel coughed Lady shut the door plunging them into darkness "We're lost the Lamp post"

Lady cracked a smile "The dark should help your head" Mel continued to make a noise between a groan and a laugh. Lady looked at her "What are you on Midge?"

"Air"

Lady closed her eyes blocking out Midge, her mind was whirling. Images of unfamiliar people floated behind her eyelids. Some were attacking her others she was attacking "Mel are you getting Sword fighting 101?"

"nooo" she moaned "just sewing, how come I get the boring stuff, mines really boring, just days and days of sewing, and endless dresses"

"I've got weapons training, and horse riding." Lady said "patrolling and archery"

"I can make you a dress" Mel rubbed her temples "a really frilly one"

The girls cringed, both clutched and scratched at their heads. Limbs and heads bagging against walls and tangling in the dresses. The small space becoming smaller as dresses where pulled off the hangers.

Mel broke the silence "Ow," Lady elbowed her, pulling a dress off her head.

"Shut up, and stop whining" she snapped

"Hay I have very few words to say." Lady gave her an incredulous look, which Mel couldn't see in the dark wardrobe "What just happened?" Mel asked

"I think we just had converging realities poured into our heads, relating to the Elves we are impostering, meaning we have all the abilities of Lady Arwen and Lord Elledan respectively"

"huh?"

"Matrix,"

"Oh" Mel smiled "you know kung fu, or was it Ly chi" Mel shrugged "Whatever… Maybe it was tie chi?"

Lady rolled her eyes in the dark, Lady pushed the door, then frowned, her hands searched the floor blindly, "umm Mel"

"Mmmm"

"I've lost the key" Lady lowered her head feeling Mels eyes on her in the dark. Mel sighed

"Where did you have it last," she asked "and don't say in the wardrobe. If you say in the wardrobe I will slap you,

"Its pitch black and we're covered in dresses"

"I can hear you breathing numb nuts" Mel cocked her head and listened "Your holding your breath now aint ya"

"Muhu"

"Heard you" _Smack_

"I didn't say in the wardrobe"

"You have now" _smack _Lady caught her hand in a vise grip, Mel wriggled but couldn't get her arm free. "Curse these puny arms"

Lady gave her hand a twist before letting go "I think I lost it when I pulled you in,"

"Oh"

"And this door can't be opened from the inside without the key"

"You're a big burly fucker now, just lean against it"

Lady pushed against the door, "Nope the carpentry's good, and the door must be a good few inches thick. Hold on"

"To what exactly? We're in a wardrobe…"

"Not what I meant" Lady groaned pulling dresses out of the way and shoving them behind her. "I meant, lean forward" Mel yelped as dresses was forced behind her. Lady maneuverer them so their backs where against the back wall of the wardrobe facing the wall "Remember that time you were tickling the life out of me, and I kicked you so hard you landed a foot away"

"How could I forget, I had bruises for weeks" Mel said then laughed "It was fun though"

"Well you know I kick like a mule" Lady said positioning her feet on the door "Now let's see how you kick"

"In this body probably like shit" Mel said also putting her feet on the door "the bad kind"

"Lovely" Lady said curling her legs, Mel did the same "on 3, 1 2-"

"Wait are we on 3 or is it 3 and then go"

"What's the difference?"

"A few seconds"

"Can we just kick the door down"

"Why not,"

"Ok _on_ 3" lady said "1-"

"My 3 or your 3?"

Lady paused for a moment "I'm the only one counting,"

"It was in my head… or your head"

"On my 3" Lady clarified

"Which 3"

"Mine!"

"Its all yours"

"Yes!" she hissed

"Clenching teeth yet?"

"You are such a bitch sometimes" Lady growled as yet again Mel started laughing

"But it's so fuckin funny" she laughed "I can just see your face in my mind"

"Ok I'm going to count to 3"

Mel froze "I'll be good!"

Lady frowned and said calmly "I will count to 3 then we kick the door down as I say 3"

"Why didn't you say that to start with?"

Lady sighed "My legs are beginning to cramp"

The sound of Mel swinging her legs in the air filled the small room "I'm feeling peachy" she sang not paying attention

"1 2 3" Lady Hit the door seconds before Mel did. The girls yelled in surprise as the fell backwards. Falling fast, they landed with a shout and a loud splash, in a shallow stream that ran through the house. Coughing and spluttering Lady recovered first, grabbing Mel and putting her on her feet. Panting the girls looked around

"Well" Mel panted "that's one way to come out of the closet"

Lady's strong control finally snapped, she lunged at Mel.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh Fuck!" Mel shrieked, hoicking up her dress and attempting to run, Mel made it three steps before Lady tackled her. Then they were wrestling in the shallow stream, Mel's dress got heavier and heavier, and Lady's new body gave her more strength than Mel. After a few slippery moments Lady calmed. She was on top of Mel holding her under the water, Mel's legs kicked wildly but tangled in her petty coats. Lady gave Mel's wrists a tight squeeze and twist before rolling off her. Mel spat out muddy water, rolling over she glared at Lady. "Superbitch" Mel hissed

Lady looked at her then laughed, the once lady like Mel had become the creature form the black lagoon. She was caked in mud and slime, her pinned back hair was now a bird's nest, and her dress was ripped and mudded beyond repair. "That look suits you" Lady smirked laying back in the water she floated, her back just brushing the bed

Mel growled pulling algae out her hair. "Does this mean you have to brush my hair again?" Mel splashed water in her male face, Lady spluttered sitting up

"What?" she snapped

"My hair" Mel whined

"It will be fine, look on the bright side" Lady shrugged "Worst case scenario you'll have to cut it off"

Mel perked up "Whoo YaY" Mel thrust a fist in the air "Get in there"

Lady shook her head, grabbing a handful of gunk from the brook bed she lobbed it in Mel's direction. It hit her square in the forehead.

"EWwwww" Mel whined "Slimy" raising a hand she rubbed the gunk over the rest of her face "Bet people pay money for this treatment"

"There's more where that came from" Lady warned standing up

Mel ignored her warning "Quick let's bottle it"

Lady shook her head looking around, the frowned "now that's unbelievably cliché" she sighed shaking her head, she pulled a lit torch off the wall. "Do you think we've stumbled into Indiana Jones?"

Mel smiled, starting to hum the theme tune. "At least they have cigarettes," Mel smiled getting exited "And cool hats" she splashed the water "Blatantly cool hats"

"But aren't we forgetting about the booby traps" Lady pointed out smiling "we should head up stream, see where this water comes from"

"I fink you're doing it backard's," Mel said scratching her head "You're meanta go down stream 'cause it goes out somewhere"

"Mel you are sitting down, like a child, so you can't see" Lady smirked, speaking as one would to a small child "We are in a cave where the water pools supposedly still but the current is pulling your dress that way" she pointed down the tunnel "towards a waterfall, which you should be able to hear" Lady raise a hand to her ear.

"I got algae in my lug 'oles" Mel glared "I can barely 'ear you"

"Come on," Lady ordered "On your feet"

"Your so demanding Loft" Mel tutted "Really you are"

"Blame it on the testosterone" Lady replied "The main reason you date women"

Mel staggered to her feet "You're such a bitch" she laughed "have you met my misses"

"Yes and unfortunately I'm stuck with you"

Mel's jaw dropped, "ah" she put a hand over her head "You wound me" she said dramatically, "you beat my brains out with a shoe" Mel sang "A Shoe" Lady laughed, then Mel joined in.

They headed up the tunnel; Lady walked silently and gracefully, Mel however tripped and stumbled, cursing loudly about anything and everything. Her dress took the brunt of her anger, by the time they found a source of natural light, Mel's beautiful floor length purple dress, was now a knee length… thing, and a strange mix of black, purple, brown, and green. She had gained her own torch, and burned away most of her dress.

Lady passed her torch to Mel, above them was a drainage grate, the tunnel itself continued, "Wait here" Lady said as she climbed up, Elledan's body was stronger she had been, pushing back the metal, she found herself on the highest roof in Rivendell. Looking around she was greeted with another breath taking view, from here she could see the whole valley, walking to the edge she could see elves the size of ants below.

A clatter made her turn, Mel had thrown both their torches through the grate, before she heaved herself up "curse these puny arms."

"Mel," Lady said lightly "Your dress is on fire"

"Oh dear" Mel hissed "Stop drop and roll" Mel rolled over shouting "stop drop and roll" not noticing the downward slant on the roof. Lady ran and grabbed her before she rolled off the edge, several stones fell smashing to pieces on the ground far, far below them. Coming close to killing an elf, the Elf looked up, Mel waved gingerly; Lady grabbed her moving them away from the edge. The girl's attention was pulled westward when a horn sounded through the valley, riders were approaching, and they held the banner of Lorien. Lady looked at the stones, then at the riders, then at the smoking torches.

She smiled wickedly "Time for pay back," she cackled "Fancy playing golf"

Mel adopted an evil grin "Oh yes"

Using the torches as clubs, and the stones as balls the girls spent a long time trying to hit the oncoming elves, the stone where soft, when hit they left dust behind, and exploded on impact. When they found a target they left nasty bruising and maybe minor fractures.

"Out of interest" Mel said, swinging her club, she smiled wildly, as her stone found a target, knocking an elf clean off his horse

"Nice shot" Lady complimented

Mel bowed then asked "How is this pay back?"

"They are Lorien Elves," noticing the vacant look on Mel's face Lady elaborated "Remember the elf who felt me up during breakfast" Mel laughed nodding, Lady took another swing, "Well he was a Lorien elf, I learn during breakfast, that his father, the one who suggested our marriage, is in that group" She looked at Mel "Still with me?" she asked

"Nope," Mel swung again "which ones his father? I'll aim for him"

"Ok" Lady said to herself, "How to explain this, to a simpleton"

"I heard that bitch" Mel shouted after a very violent swing, Lady reluctantly kept the fact she had missed the stone to herself.

"That's why I said it out loud" Lady replied taking her own shot, "Ok, me marrying boy, boy with those people, we with these people," she said slowly pointing downwards "they not nice, we hit them with stones"

"I like plan," Mel said "but don't care 'bout why, lofty"

"Oh Mel Mel," Lady sighed lining up another row of stones, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Gimme a fag" Mel said hopefully

"Aint got nun"

"You's speaking like I now"

"Just keep swinging" Lady huffed.

On the ground the riders were panicked, stones where falling from the sky. None could see their assailants, the stones had already knocked some of the riders off their horses, the falled riders had crawled to safety, the unlucky ones gaining more hits along the way. Lord Celerons guards had raised their shields up covering their commander. Stones kept pelting the garrison, exploding on their shields, with extreme force. The attack had started shortly after they had entered the valley, Rivendell riders had rode up to help them, but they weren't immune to the attack.

"Lord Celeborn" Shouted a very tall blond elf

"Glorfindel" Lord Celeborn nodded, a cry alerted him as another rider fell from his horse.

"I suggest we take cover in the trees." Glorfindel shouted

Celeborn nodded "Agreed" ordering his men to take cover, he shouted at Glorfindel "What in the name of Manwë is happening!"

Back on the roof the girls had finally run out of stones, they now laughed hysterically at the chaos they had created, they had shown no mercy even to the fallen. Lady swung her club like a sword "Run you cowards, you vermin," she screamed "run!" as if they could hear her they fled to the trees. The girls fell about laughing. Mel swung her stick at Lady,

"On guardy guard" she shouted Lady lifted her own weapon, they connected with a loud crack.

"Come on then girly girl" Lady smiled she swung her make shift sword round with expertise. "You're no match for me"

"I'll woop your ass bitch," Mel countered, waving her stick in a z shape "Even if I have to wait until you are asleep"

The play fort for a long time, Mel could tell Lady was holding back, she was using moves Mel had never seen before, "You're really gunna have to teach me some of this shit," Mel panted

"You sweating" Lady sang, she wasn't used to being better than Mel at fighting.

"I'm a lady" Mel growled "all this body is fucking good for is sowing," she shouted hitting Lady's stick with every word she growled out "I. Hate. Fucking. Sowing" losing her temper she swung violently at Lady, her anger growing as Lady blocked swing with ease. With all Arwen's strength she swung her stick, it connected with Lady's and boke on impact, snapping in half. While half of Lady's stick hung downwards. Lady held her stick close, her hands unfortunately placed near Elledan's private bits.

Lady looked down "You broke me sword" she said in a put on high pitched voice.

They broke down laughing, Mel laughed even harder catching sight of Lady's male shadow. "You got a broken erection loft." She pointed at the shadow, "Erectile dysfunction" She screeched "erectile dysfunction" Lady laughed

"Hope loverboy don't mind," she said, smiling evilly at Mel, seductively she said "Though he might like the angle"

Mel groaned "TMI TMI, Oh GOD, bad images right now." Mel covered her eyes as Lady put one hand behind her head, thrusting her hips slightly.


	9. Chapter 9

The girls lounged about on the roof watching the clouds, revelling in the peace except for Mel's moaning about needing a fag, Lady could feel her need for one too, tobacco often kept her anger in check now she could feel it bubbling under her skin.

Mel rolled on to her front and flicked Lady's nose, "I need a piss do u know where the can is? And how do we get there"

Lady sat up looking round, "I dunno"

"It' alright for you, you can piss off the roof, if I squat I'll probably fall off"

Lady rubbed her forehead "What a lovely image" getting to her feet she studied the roof "If we go back the way we came, we will get lost"

"On the plus side you won't notice if I piss"

Lady looked at her, muddy hair, burnt clothing, she never thought it was possible for an elf to look scruffy, Mel looked like she had been dragged by wild dogs through a burning hedge. And she doubted she looked much better.

"Er's a window over 'ere" Mel said

"It's a sky light" Lady corrected

"Same bloody difference if ya ask me" Mel said heading over, she peaked in "Oo lookie make shift steps"

Lady looked in, several beams ran adjacent to the window, close enough and wide enough to land on, below them was the top of a book shelf, if they walked along it they could get to the ladder attached to it. "Nice one Mel" Lady smiled

"Thank you"

"Just one question"

"Ahp?"

"How do we open the window?"

"Sit on it" Mel demonstrated, nothing happened

"You don't weigh as much as you used to Mel"

"Goodie" Mel muttered bouncing up and down on the glass, still nothing happened "Got your man ass over 'ere,"

Lady shook her head "so we break the window with our butts, then what? We fall though with glass in our butt cheeks"

"Na, I've got so many petty coats I won't notice"

"You ripped them off, remember" Lady pointed out "Maybe if we both stamped on it?"

"We could always smash it a bit with those torches" Mel offered looking at her feet

"Good plan" Lady got the torches and jogged back, they began to smack at the glass. "I'm amazed no one has heard us" Lady said Mel was still wildly smacking the glass

"Why. Is. This. Glass. So. Thick." She snapped with each hit

"Your just weak love" Lady said helpfully

"I'm blatantly doing press up when I get back" Mel noted more to herself than anyone

Together they landed powerful strikes, and the glass shattered "You know for strong glass," Lady said "it doesn't crack, it goes straight from whole to broken"

"Really good observation there Loft" Mel muttered, then frowned as an odd sound floated though the broken window. Using her stick she knocked out some of the remaining pieces of glass, they clattered to the ground before shattering. "You gotta be deaf no to hear tha'"

Lady rolled her eyes and jumped through the window, she landed gracefully on the beam, hissing as glass cut her arm. Mel landed just as gracefully next to her, "seriously what's tha' noise?" Mel asked, it was rhythmic banging, and rustling. Lady shrugged, more interested in getting down than the unusual noise. The pair shimmied along the beam and dropped carefully down onto the bookshelf, hardly making sound. The rhythmic banging was getting louder.

Lady who was in front of Mel suddenly whirled around, grabbing Mel's arm with one hand and covering her eyes with the other. "You don't need to see this"

"Get your man hands offa me" Mel whimpered, Lady didn't budge muttering

"They can't keep it up for long, we just have to wait" she sounded rather panicked "or maybe we could go back to the roof"

"Get off of me" Mel growled scratching at Lady's hand, "I'll go for the eyes in a minute, I really will"

Lady released her eyes but grabbed her hands, "Ok but don't say I didn't try"

Mel's eyes where draw towards the rhythmic banging, "Oh God" she whispered in an unnaturally high voice, she grabbed Lady's hand, "put it back put it back put it back" Mel's movements unsteady them both and they toppled off the bookshelf towards the noise. They landed with a loud thud several books falling on top of them. The rhythmic banging slowed to a stop.

"Maybe if we stay really still, they won't notice we're here" Mel whispered wishfully, looking at Lady, but Lady was looking directly into the eyes of Elrond.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N this chapter is dedicated to Morwen81 who makes an appearance in this chapter **

Lady and Mel stumbled out of the library ignoring the shouts for them to stop. Mel continually shouting in increasing pitch "run away, run away, runaway. Dear god let's runaway" scratching she over took Lady, dragging her down the hall. They turned a corner hearing their 'father' calling after them. "Run away, run away, runaway. Dear god runaway"

Lady spotted a door to the side, pulling Mel nearly off her feet she dragged her in, shutting the door quickly, Lady let against it, Mel in her arms one hand over Mel's mouth. They heard three pairs of storming footsteps past them.

After what seemed like an eternity they calmed, Lady let go of Mel and the girls looked at each other in shock, a smile fighting its way onto Mel's face "That was," She started "educational"

"Any jokes about me and Orophin," Lady hissed dangerously "and I swear I will kill you"

"I would never be so cruel" Mel said

"Yes you would" Lady snapped

"Fine"

"Umm excuse me"

The girls screamed and jumped around, there was a tall dark haired, dark eyed elleth, standing next to the bed, and her dark eyes studied the dishevelled pair. "May I help you?" she asked

"Ooo for sure" Mel said giving a flirtatious wave. Lady smacked her arm ignoring her cry of indignation. Lady searched for some excuse but came up blank instead she said

"My sister needs the bathroom"

The dark haired beauty pointed though a door, Mel bolted slamming it behind her. Lady shifted uncomfortably rubbing her head, she could feel the elleth studying her.

"Lord Elrohir?" the elleth probed

Lady snapped her head up "Where?"

"Sorry" she said "Lord Elledan, are you quite alright?"

"Fine" she sighed still try to come up with a reason for bursting into what was obviously her bedroom, looking like she had just jumped out of a horror movie.

Looking up when the Elleth gasped "Your hand" Lady lifted her hand, the cut across her palm was bleeding badly "what happened?" the Elleth asked, Lady ripped off part of her sleeve and wrapped it around the cut.

"I jumped through a window," she said

"But your clothes-"

"I fell out of the closet"

"There covered in mud-"

"I landed in a pond,"

"And Lady Arwen's dress?"

"Caught fire"

"Ah" she said with confusion, she walked gracefully over to a chest "I didn't see you at lunch"

"I was trapped on the roof"

The elleth raised her eye brows "I see" she pulled a bottle out of the chest and offered it to her/him "Drink?"

Lady smiled, taking the bottle, her hand brushing the elleth's finger "I think I love you" she took a long swig, then gaged at the strong burning sensation "ahh that's the stuff" she said, her voice sounding rather high

The elleth smiled "Lord Orophin is worried about you"

Lady took another swig "let him worry"

The elleth looked concerned, slowly brushing a loose hair out of Lady's face "you look like you've seen a ghost"

"I wish" Lady said stepping away,

A knock on the door made her jump, Lady looked pleadingly and the elleth

"In the wardrobe," She prompted "I'll take care of it"

Lady could have kissed her, but nodded following the elleth who pushed her in and shut the door. From inside the wardrobe Lady could hear a quite conversation.

"Forgive the intrusion my Lady" It was Elrond "but have you seen my son or daughter?"

"I saw one of your sons heading towards the training fields, he seemed I quit a rush" the Elleth answered

"Thank you My Lady" the door closed, Lady breathed a sigh of relief opening the door she looked the Elleth in the eye

"You're beautiful" she smiled

"Thank you Lord Elledan, it has been noticed" the elleth said sassily, Mel came out of the bathroom

"You're not in another closet are you" she demanded

"No" Lady said jumping out

"the lies you tell me, you retched cretin the lies," Mel looked at the elleth "Do you know how long it took me to get her out of the last one, hours" she ranted "literally hours, in a dress! A dress, and then we were in the closet and they kept falling on me screaming wear me wear me now!" Mel panted "I hate dresses, and I wanna fag I wanna fag" she cried

Lady sighed leaning against the wardrobe shaking her head, "You finished"

"No" Mel shouted before she could start again Lady lifted the bottle, Mel's mouth hung open

"Drink" Lady asked, Mel dived at her.


End file.
